Most people know Joe Pantoliano from his memorable roles in The Sopranos, The Matrix, The Goonies, Risky Business, Memento, and The Fugitive. But before he became one of Hollywood's most successful character actors, he was "Joey Pants" from Hoboken, the son of a fiercely controlling schizophrenic mother. Growing up, Joe always knew something was different with him, too. "It was as if I was born with a huge hole inside of me," he writes. Not until much later in life was Joe diagnosed with clinical depression. Now he has a message for the millions of people who suffer from mental illness, and for the friends and family who care for them: You are not alone. Before Joe was diagnosed he tried to fill the hole inside of him with alcohol. Then he stopped drinking because the alcohol had stopped working, and instead took up to twenty Vicodin a day in an effort to numb his emotional and physical pain. Even after being diagnosed Joe faced roadblocks, such as when he couldn't get insured on a film because of his antidepressant medication. This is the story of Joe's Hollywood success, his undiagnosed mental illness and substance abuse, and how that all led to his eventual awareness, diagnosis, recovery, public activism, and advocacy. Interweaving deeply personal experience with informative discourse, he creates a memoir that will resonate not only with victims of mental illness, and witnesses to its devastating effects, but the general reader curious about the working of the human mind.
This resource is supported by the Institute of Museum and Library Services under the provisions of the Library Services and Technology Act as administered by State Library of Iowa.